Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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