dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize