My liver just broke up with me...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
pray to the hookup gods
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
