what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
