Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
false alarm, still single
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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