Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
