that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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