If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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