I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
