I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
