i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
