we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
