I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
