I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
