That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
