You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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