Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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