I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
