I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
