Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
