So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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