I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
