Hey man sorry I got all grabby
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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