But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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