Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
