you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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