The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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