I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
