help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you win again, gameday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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