Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
