I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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