At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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