i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
