If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
