hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
