You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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