Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i already hear my dad disowning me
my shit smells like andre
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
