I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
