I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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