6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
