Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
