yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
