Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want a musical about memes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize