Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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