There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
