I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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