About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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