I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
