i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
