Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Randomize
