This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
