it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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