This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
