My sheets look like a crime scene.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize