Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
