I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize