so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
