His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
