So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
