He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
