there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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