I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
