Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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