Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
