It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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