can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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