There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
