This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
