so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
