I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
