i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I AM VODKA MAN
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
