Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
