just come out here and I will go home with you...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
